Today was awful. It was one of those days for me where I wanted to crawl under a rock and stay there until this feeling stopped.
I suffer badly with anxiety and depression due to a few life events that have basically ruled the last 10 years. My anxiety is usually triggered by things that are happening around me and is only usually about my husband or kids.
My tribe consists of my amazing husband who takes the reins and does the things thast due to my back problems I can no longer do. I have a 9yr old, 6yr old, 3yr old and a 1yr old. (Yes I know we are bloody crazy)
Last week we were told by our childminder that my 3 yr old Kasper is ready for pre school before he starts school in September. (Cue me having some sort of meltdown)
I know she's talking perfect sense and both my older children have gone to pre school but I find it so hard to trust new people to take care of my kids.
He loves his childminders so much and I know its going to break his little heart when he has to leave at easter. As a 3 year old I'm worried that he won't cope well at school and starting only a few days after his 4th birthday. I keep being reassured that he will be fine and deep down I probably know this too and this is possibly more about me letting go rather than him not being ready but this is the strange way my brain works.
I think all this going round in my head and its put my anxiety into overdrive today. I've felt physically unwell and a little snappy.
Dale (super husband/daddy) did the right thing and forced me out of the house to get the boys hair cut as he knows when I'm like this I become a hermit which gives me too much time to focus on the bad stuff.
I'm now sat in bed with the baby asleep next to me in his cot watching some reality trash on TV hoping for a better day tomorrow. I'm praying the sleep thieves sleep past 6am! X
It seems pretty unfair that once again im back in this dark place. It's like my mind is in a prison that I can't break it out from....
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