Wednesday, 25 September 2019

Scarlett - Rose

As Scarlett is getting older she seems to be trying to push the boundaries more and had developed a real attitude. I'm sure it's karma biting back at me for how I treated my mum when I was younger.
On Monday however, she crossed the line massively.  Dale took the kids to the shop on the way back from the school run and as he was paying for some milk Scarlett wandered off, and then rejoined him as they were leaving the shop.
When we got home the kids did what they usually do on school days which is get out of their school clothes and put them in the basket ready for washing.
As scarlett was taking off her cardigan, a freddo (those chocolate frog things) fell out of her sleeve.  When questioned about where she got it from she stomped up the stairs and slammed the door.
She later admitted to taking it from the shop.  I've never been so mortified in all my life.  She's 6 years old, why on earth does it even enter her head to do something like that?  We've always been very clear about stealing and how wrong it is so she knew when she did it that it was wrong. Its also not like she never gets sweets or chocolate either. They have a treat day on a Saturday when they can have sweets etc and they almost always have things during the week if they are well behaved.
After speaking to Dale's mum who we always go to for advise it was decided that as punishment, she missed her gymnastics class plus we took her back to the shop the next day to explain what she'd done, apologise for what she'd done and pay for the chocolate she'd taken.  They were really good about it and told her that it was naughty to steal which made her cry so I'm satisfied it was enough for her to take in.

This incident has made me wonder if we are going wrong with our parenting somewhere. Is it normal for a 6 year old to do things like this? Should I be worried? I want my children to grow up to be respectful and have good morals. I wish there was some sort of parenting manual so that I don't feel like I'm winging my way through life.

Thursday, 12 September 2019

An open letter to Kasper on your 1st day ♥️

As you sleep so peacefully in your bed for the last time as a pre schooler I'm laid in mine reminiscing about the last 4 years. 4 years of that cheeky little laugh and your crazy imaginative personality.
You were the first baby I had all to myself at home while daddy went to work. (Grandma lived with us when your big brother and sister were born so I never really had much one on one time at the beginning). You've only just turned 4 so are still quite young as you start school.
I think that's why I don't feel ready for this as it's come around so quickly.

You are such a loving, caring little man and I know everyone will fall in love with you in an instant.  You will make so many amazing friends, possibly some that you will remain friends with for life like mummy did.
As you move into this brand new, exciting chapter, remember what you've been taught. You know how to be polite, how to share (although sometimes you need to be reminded) and you know how to be nice to others, especially those who need a little extra kindness.
The time has come for you to spread your little wings.  I know you will be nervous when it comes to us leaving you there in the morning but I promise you that you will love every minute.
Mummy and daddy are so proud of you and I cannot wait for you to come running out of the classroom doors to tell me all about your first day.

Friday, 6 September 2019


Yesterday was a day we've been waiting for, for probably 3 years.  After having Kasper we decided that we didn't want any more children.  After doing some research it was decided that it would be better if Dale had a vasectomy. It's a much easier and less invasive surgery than it would have been if I'd decided get sterilised, which could have caused more complications for me.
Whilst we were busy with a young baby and 2 older children, life got in the way before we could get the procedure booked and we ended up with Marley.  A perfect case of serendipity.  However with now having 4 children and a very complicated pregnancy with Marley it was decided it was an absolute priority as I couldnt go through another high risk pregnancy.  (Plus.... 5 kids?!?!)

Yesterday was finally the day of the procedure and I went along with him for some moral support.   The procedure itself was pretty quick. Unfortunately it was more painful than it should have been for him as one of his tubes were hiding but once found it was pretty plain sailing and he was straight back up on his feet.
He is a little uncomfortable today but that is normal.

It's actually a little sad to think that, this part of my life is now over. Il never carry or birth another baby.  Those first little newborn moments and that baby smell is something I won't experience myself again.
The journey to motherhood is truely a magical experience and although my pregnancies have all been hard, I will miss having a baby in the house.  At the same time I now get to concentrate on watching the others grow and hit new milestones and making new memories along the way.

I feel so very lucky to have 4 beautiful healthy children.  Our family is now officially complete ❤️

Tuesday, 3 September 2019

Honesty post

When I decided to start writing the blog and putting my thoughts and feelings down on 'paper' so to speak, I promised myself I'd be an honest mum and not be one of those people who sugar coat their perfect lives and put them into tiny squares on Instagram. So here I am being truthful about how things are right now.

I'm 34. I'm not quite sure how I got to be that old but unfortunately that's the number I'm on this year.  I've been struggling with back pain from when I broke it in an accident almost 10 years ago. I have developed fybromyalgia from the trauma of that along side PTSD. I have depression and anxiety which I've suffered with for over 10 years also.

I've always struggled with my weight. At school I used to eat chewing gum and drink water for lunch after already skipping breakfast because I thought I was fat. It's only when I look back at photos now that I realise I wasn't. Far from it actually.

Since then I think I've become an emotional eater.  I've a really unhealthy relationship with food. I've been to slimming World but found it hard because I dont think it's strict enough. I don't want to be able to eat all the pasta I like because that's not having control.
Fast forward to now where after having 5 babies, I've gained and lost weight so many times I've lost count.  At the moment my weight is quite high and I feel so unhappy about it. I feel like a terrible role model for my children too because I'm not healthy and I certainly don't want them thinking that this is a healthy way to live.  That's why tomorrow I start on an 800kcal diet.
It's 2 shakes and one evening meal. It probably sounds extreme but trust me when I say that I need to do it.  My weight affects my mental health too and I've been very very down for a long time. It won't be helping with my back pain either.

I've decided that as well as my life as a mum that il be documenting my weight loss too, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I need to do this for myself and for my babies because ultimately they are my priority and I have to do everything I can to make sure I'm around for them for a very long time.


Im really struggling today. i feel sad and hopeless and i cant pull myself out of it,  I told myself that once Milas due date had paased, th...