When I decided to start writing the blog and putting my thoughts and feelings down on 'paper' so to speak, I promised myself I'd be an honest mum and not be one of those people who sugar coat their perfect lives and put them into tiny squares on Instagram. So here I am being truthful about how things are right now.
I'm 34. I'm not quite sure how I got to be that old but unfortunately that's the number I'm on this year. I've been struggling with back pain from when I broke it in an accident almost 10 years ago. I have developed fybromyalgia from the trauma of that along side PTSD. I have depression and anxiety which I've suffered with for over 10 years also.
I've always struggled with my weight. At school I used to eat chewing gum and drink water for lunch after already skipping breakfast because I thought I was fat. It's only when I look back at photos now that I realise I wasn't. Far from it actually.
Since then I think I've become an emotional eater. I've a really unhealthy relationship with food. I've been to slimming World but found it hard because I dont think it's strict enough. I don't want to be able to eat all the pasta I like because that's not having control.
Fast forward to now where after having 5 babies, I've gained and lost weight so many times I've lost count. At the moment my weight is quite high and I feel so unhappy about it. I feel like a terrible role model for my children too because I'm not healthy and I certainly don't want them thinking that this is a healthy way to live. That's why tomorrow I start on an 800kcal diet.
It's 2 shakes and one evening meal. It probably sounds extreme but trust me when I say that I need to do it. My weight affects my mental health too and I've been very very down for a long time. It won't be helping with my back pain either.
I've decided that as well as my life as a mum that il be documenting my weight loss too, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I need to do this for myself and for my babies because ultimately they are my priority and I have to do everything I can to make sure I'm around for them for a very long time.
It seems pretty unfair that once again im back in this dark place. It's like my mind is in a prison that I can't break it out from....
So here it is, my first blog post. I'm not 100% sure what I'm doing so please bare with me while I make a million spelling mista...
This pregnancy seems to be going pretty fast. On Monday we find out the sex of the baby and I'm full of nerves for the scan itself despi...
This week is flying by and half term will be here before we know it. It's bloody hard to keep 4 kids occupied for 2 weeks without a) re...