It seems pretty unfair that once again im back in this dark place. It's like my mind is in a prison that I can't break it out from. Another piece of me has gone and I will never get it back. Another daughter has her Angel wings.
our beautiful Mila was born at 19 weeks, so perfect and so peaceful. Her dainty little fingers and toes and her tiny button nose so perfectly formed makes it so hard to believe that her eyes will never open and and that we will never see her smile.
my heart breaks at the thought of never feeling her move or kick again and never hearing the magical sound of her tiny heart beating. Why us? Why us again?
Grief is an unpredictable thing. It affects us all in different ways and we all have our own ways of dealing with it.
I've dealt with the grief from losing my dad and 8 years ago when we lost our first little Angel Sophia, but nothing prepares you for it. Each time is different and you never fully recover, I guess in time it becomes a part of your day to day life and you learn to live alongside it.
One thing that had made this time more bearable is the support that we've had from the midwives to the hospital staff who all went above an beyond to make us as comfortable as possible. We also have a bereavement midwife who has stayed in touch with us to make sure that we are both ok following the birth. The charities that meant we had a little memory box and a teddy bear to remember her by are just amazing and The work they do is priceless. They are 4luis.co.uk and achingarms.co.uk. We will be donating a memory box and a bear in memory of Mila on behalf of these charities to help another poor family having to deal with the loss of their baby.
I'm still recovering slowly from the birth itself was pretty traumatic this time round because my body over contracts. I had to have medication to slow the contractions down which didn't work and I was then rushed to theatre because I was losing a lot of blood and my placenta wouldn't deliver.
The journey we are on will be a long one but we have amazing family and friends around us. We are doing everything we can to keep Milas memory alive for us and especially the kids who already loved their baby sister so much. Our second little Angel is now in the arms of her big sister Sophia and they will both be a big part of our family.
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