Wednesday, 1 July 2020

Learning to cope

Thankfully we are now finally in July. I know it sounds stupid to "hate" particular months but id rather hide under a rock for the whole of May each year. it reminds me of really dark times that Ive not properly dealt with.
This year June was much of the same.
Yesterday was the date I was booked in to have Mila by c-section. I should be all consumed in my newborn baby bubble right now. Another little princess to call my own.  its hard to say that it wasnt meant to be because my heart still thinks it is. Im longing to hold my new baby in my arms and never let her go, but im learning slowly how to come to terms with the fact that unfortunately we cant have anymore babies. Mila was our last little miracle. it hurts, both physically and mentally.

We are gradually starting to see a new normal after coming out of lockdown. we decided that although Kasper could have gone back to school, that we think it would be safer to keep them all at home until September. This is a personal choice and i dont judge anyone who has decided otherwise, you have to do what is right for your family.
we have now had all 4 kids at home for 14 weeks. we try to do some schoolwork with them but arnt pressuring them into completing every thing thats been set. It got to the point where both the kids and us were perminantly stressed out. Their mental health is much more important especially with all the changes at the moment. Each day for us is different and some days like today are hard but we are muddling through one day at a time.

We have all loved the recent heat wave and have taken full advantage of the fact that we can get the pool out. Our garden is only small and not very accomodating but we make the most of it and the kids have had the best time splashing about and soaking us at every opportunity.

We were so happy last weekend to finally be re-united with nanny and grandad! the kids have struggled alot with not seeing them so it was lovely to have a little bbq in their garden and the kiddies got to play in the pool and run through the sprinklers. we obviously adhered to the guidelines which feels so odd but so grateful to be out and spending time with the family at long last.

Im now keeping everything crossed that the easing of the lockdown rules doesnt create a second wave of the virus. This year so far has been a pretty harsh one all round. we are now over the half way point xx

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